New Year, Same Me...With a Few Upgrades

Vision Board.jpg

Every year it's the same spiel.  "In the new year, I'm going to [fill in the blank here]."  Did you know that on average, most New Year's resolutions fail by February?  Heck, if I had a dollar for every time I scrapped a New Year's resolution, I could probably buy a small island.  Okay, maybe pay for a month's worth of Starbucks, or a nice dinner out with friends.  You get the point.  Either way, it doesn't work for most people and it most certainly doesn't work for me. 

So I write this welcome back post not as a dated tradition with no follow through behind it (although I did manage to get myself into two weight loss challenges...I chock that up to getting a Fitbit for Christmas and all holiday merriment coming to an end), but to say this has been in the works for a while.  And I cannot contain it anymore.  I NEED TO WRITE.

For the better part of three years, I have gone through peaks and valleys with my writing (more valleys than anything).  I had become complacent.  Life was good.   Besides, between work, family, friends, social commitments, civic duties, relationships - where was the time?  Suddenly this past year left me feeling like I was underwater.  I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was supposed to be writing.  I thought about it everyday.  Dreamt of it.  And felt sort of melancholy when it wasn't getting done.  I realized my writing was a part of me.  The way that any of those other commitments and activities were.  The freedom of expression, the way my fingers effortlessly flitted across the keyboard while I averted my eyes from the screen willing new ideas and emotions to flow onto the pages, transporting me into another world.  God how I missed it.  Each book that I read made me want to write even more.  New authors with refreshing styles, vivid imagery, fluid lines with perfectly placed words only intensified my desire.  Then those nagging thoughts came back.  How will you ever make time?

The solution came in the form of a new acquaintance. We met at a wedding last  fall. Her positive, upbeat nature drew me to her, and an immediate connection was formed.  We have been having lunch just about every month since, and during our last meeting she suggested I read a book called Change Your Habits, Change Your Life by Tom Corley.  I jotted it down on my phone, and came back to it a few times. 

On a flight to Texas (another activity I've been doing more as of late is traveling), I decided to download a sample of the book.  It had rave reviews online, and my local library did not have any available copies.  I figured if it was any good, I would just buy it on Kindle and be done with it.  O.M.G.  This book is packed with great insights into how habits are formed, and why people behave the way they do.  It also provides useful information about what good habits are and how to change bad habits into good habits.  I highly recommend reading it (if you haven't already).  I'm usually a fast reader; however, when it comes to text containing information I want to absorb and apply, I tend to take my time.  So I am about 95% finished; however, I plan to go back and re-read.

In any event, that volcano of passion that had been slowly growing inside of me, finally began to erupt.  I cannot wait for the right time.  I have to make the right time.  My life is great, but I need passion.  I miss my passion, and that is writing.  After some time off, and lots of refocusing, I am back. That picture at the top?  That's my vision board.  I put it up on a bare wall in my room that had been waiting for the perfect companion.  Now each day I am reminded of what my goals are to keep me on track.  So New Year, same me with a few system updates.

And oh yeah, I'm still Smooching Frogs ;-)

This Is For You

Dear Broken-hearted Girl,

You are beautiful.  When I started this blog three years ago, you were who I had in mind.  Everything about you is beautifully and wonderfully made.  Heartbreak is tough.  It is one of the hardest emotions one can ever experience.  But don't give up!  

You've probably heard a million times "he's still out there" or "in a few years, you'll forget about him".  Nevermind "him".  This is a place for you.  It's a place for you to reclaim your beauty, and your joy.  It's a place for you to be empowered.   To laugh, relate, and fill your bucket.  To let your hair down and be imperfect.  Indeed, one day "he" probably will come along.  And by that time, the love of your life will be you.

My friend, I extend to you heartfelt words and years of frog smooching wisdom.  Know that your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being are most important always.  Nourish it with hugs and laughter from time spent with friends and family.  Occupy yourself with activities that you enjoy and challenge yourself by finding new ones.  Look lovingly upon your reflection in the mirror and say out loud "I am beautiful".  Because you are.  And one (of even a slew of) bad relationships do not define your worth.

Love always, 

Roni  

 

Adjust Your Crown: Tips for Dealing with Haters

Got haters? Adjust your crown.

Got haters? Adjust your crown.

Conflict is unavoidable.  Sometimes it fosters creative problem solving, and lends to unique win-win resolutions where everyone benefits.  Then there are those conflicts that are just plain petty.  That co-worker who hits 'Reply All' in an attempt to publicly shame others.  Or even worse, (in)direct social media jabs.  Sure, it's easy to say "ignore it...move on".  Getting there is the hard part.  It requires you to adjust your crown.

What do I mean by that?  Have you ever watched an old black and white movie where the leading lady's feathers get ruffled?  Back then distinction, grace, class, and downright snobbery were the medicine used to treat those suffering from hateritis.  Memories of Bette Davis waiving a dismissive hand or doling out a biting one-liner continue to warm my heart.  She adjusted her crown very well.

Ladies, there are rules to this game.  Throwing shade like Ms. Davis takes years of practice.  Quite frankly, I'm not even on that level yet. But as my mother always said "class will tell". So let's start with the basics.

1) Everyone has a story

 We all have our struggles.  We all deal and heal in our own ways.  With that being said, you may or may not know what the other person has going on in their lives.  Do they feel unwanted or unloved?  Are they lonely?  Could they, or someone they love, be dealing with health issues?  It is easy to dismiss someone as being miserable.  Failure to see life from their lenses can create unnecessary tension in your relationship with them.  Asking yourself "why" can go a long way in determining how you handle their brand of pettiness.

2) Use the Right Forum to Vent

If you see an indirect post on Facebook about you, it's natural to want to respond or put up a post of your own.  DON'T.  Going tit for tat only validates their foolishness, bringing you to their level.  You have a crown on your head girl.  And no one should be allowed to knock it down.  

Do you have a friend that you love and trust?  I'm talking about the one that helps calm you down.  Not the one who comes to your house with a ski mask at 1AM ready to roll.  Again I say: DON'T. (I've had a few of those friends over the years, and oddly enough, I've noticed that they tend to have constant turmoil in their lives.  Co-winky dink?  I think not.)  Leave the drama out of writing (social media, email, text or otherwise), and just talk.  Simply verbalizing the issue can help you feel at ease about your situation.  You might even resolve it on your own by having a comforting ear and fresh perspective.  Remember, even if you delete it, screenshots and written messages can live forever.  Honor the crown.

3) Respond Appropriately

And by appropriately I mean determine whether you should respond at all.  Several factors should be taken into consideration.  A few of them are as follows:

  • Does this person fly off of the handle often?  
  • Can your life be significantly impacted in some way by what they've done?  
  • Do they just need to be put in their place?  

Admittedly, it's hard for me to let stuff go without addressing it.  I may let it die down a bit at first, but I'm a "get to the root of the problem so it doesn't happen again" kind of girl.  Usually my method of choice for a warning shot is a compliant response that exposes the individual's shenanigans.  If that doesn't work then being direct is the best way to go.  Set expectations for how you want to be treated, keeping the esteem of all parties in mind.  

Bonus: Everything comes around full circle.  If you're patient, you will find that the universe works itself out.  Trust me.  It's true.

4) Be Productive

Depending on the issue, you might not have the opportunity to address it.  Or you may have decided that it's not worth your time, effort, or energy.  You might still be perturbed even if you've decided on this course of action.  Recently my godmother blessed me with a catchphrase that I adore, "when you're blue, find something to do."  Blue doesn't have to be depressed or sad - you could be mad as hell.  Put that energy into a project.  Do you have home improvement projects in queue?  Is there a hobby that you've wanted to pick up?  Finding ways to better use your time is a great way to blow off some steam.  It serves a dual purpose.  Now you're not only dealing with your issue effectively, you're taking time to improve yourself.  

5) Celebrate

Effectively resolving conflict is difficult for most of the population.  Navigating through your emotions, and those of others can exhaust a lot of energy.  Take time to relax.  Reflect on what went well, what you might want to do differently next time, and bask in the glory of your perfectly perched crown.  You deserve it :-).