Trust Your Gut

Ah.  That little voice inside your head that says "this isn't right".  That feeling of your chest  tightening, making it slightly difficult to breathe.  Often, we are left with a choice to follow the guidance of our inner Jiminy Cricket, or simply ignore it.  I have found that too many times I have ignored that voice to my own detriment.  But that is changing. 

So I met a guy.  We went on a date.  It was fun, yet something in me said, "Mmmm you might want to watch it."  Don't get me wrong, we had a good time.  He had a good sense of humor, lived a pretty safe and secure lifestyle.  And we had a lot in common.  Though there were a few moments that led me to believe he could be troubled.  Now, I have a history of giving people chances to prove themselves.  Mostly because I have been wrong about first impressions, and those folks turned out to be wonderful.  However, I am mostly right.

Well, this gentleman began giving me a vibe that felt all too familiar.  A vibe that said "do not stop, do not pass go.  You've been here before and you need to block him for your own sanity".  His offense was nothing too serious.  Mostly making odd remarks and sensitivity to my sense of humor (which frankly I found to be pretty benign).  But I didn't know him, nor did I owe him an explanation. And neither do you.  Trust that little voice in your head.  It may be telling you something that your conscious mind may not be picking up on.  In a world where patriarchy rules, we as women must protect ourselves first and foremost.

Be safe and happy smooching!

New Year, Same Me...With a Few Upgrades

Vision Board.jpg

Every year it's the same spiel.  "In the new year, I'm going to [fill in the blank here]."  Did you know that on average, most New Year's resolutions fail by February?  Heck, if I had a dollar for every time I scrapped a New Year's resolution, I could probably buy a small island.  Okay, maybe pay for a month's worth of Starbucks, or a nice dinner out with friends.  You get the point.  Either way, it doesn't work for most people and it most certainly doesn't work for me. 

So I write this welcome back post not as a dated tradition with no follow through behind it (although I did manage to get myself into two weight loss challenges...I chock that up to getting a Fitbit for Christmas and all holiday merriment coming to an end), but to say this has been in the works for a while.  And I cannot contain it anymore.  I NEED TO WRITE.

For the better part of three years, I have gone through peaks and valleys with my writing (more valleys than anything).  I had become complacent.  Life was good.   Besides, between work, family, friends, social commitments, civic duties, relationships - where was the time?  Suddenly this past year left me feeling like I was underwater.  I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was supposed to be writing.  I thought about it everyday.  Dreamt of it.  And felt sort of melancholy when it wasn't getting done.  I realized my writing was a part of me.  The way that any of those other commitments and activities were.  The freedom of expression, the way my fingers effortlessly flitted across the keyboard while I averted my eyes from the screen willing new ideas and emotions to flow onto the pages, transporting me into another world.  God how I missed it.  Each book that I read made me want to write even more.  New authors with refreshing styles, vivid imagery, fluid lines with perfectly placed words only intensified my desire.  Then those nagging thoughts came back.  How will you ever make time?

The solution came in the form of a new acquaintance. We met at a wedding last  fall. Her positive, upbeat nature drew me to her, and an immediate connection was formed.  We have been having lunch just about every month since, and during our last meeting she suggested I read a book called Change Your Habits, Change Your Life by Tom Corley.  I jotted it down on my phone, and came back to it a few times. 

On a flight to Texas (another activity I've been doing more as of late is traveling), I decided to download a sample of the book.  It had rave reviews online, and my local library did not have any available copies.  I figured if it was any good, I would just buy it on Kindle and be done with it.  O.M.G.  This book is packed with great insights into how habits are formed, and why people behave the way they do.  It also provides useful information about what good habits are and how to change bad habits into good habits.  I highly recommend reading it (if you haven't already).  I'm usually a fast reader; however, when it comes to text containing information I want to absorb and apply, I tend to take my time.  So I am about 95% finished; however, I plan to go back and re-read.

In any event, that volcano of passion that had been slowly growing inside of me, finally began to erupt.  I cannot wait for the right time.  I have to make the right time.  My life is great, but I need passion.  I miss my passion, and that is writing.  After some time off, and lots of refocusing, I am back. That picture at the top?  That's my vision board.  I put it up on a bare wall in my room that had been waiting for the perfect companion.  Now each day I am reminded of what my goals are to keep me on track.  So New Year, same me with a few system updates.

And oh yeah, I'm still Smooching Frogs ;-)

This Is For You

Dear Broken-hearted Girl,

You are beautiful.  When I started this blog three years ago, you were who I had in mind.  Everything about you is beautifully and wonderfully made.  Heartbreak is tough.  It is one of the hardest emotions one can ever experience.  But don't give up!  

You've probably heard a million times "he's still out there" or "in a few years, you'll forget about him".  Nevermind "him".  This is a place for you.  It's a place for you to reclaim your beauty, and your joy.  It's a place for you to be empowered.   To laugh, relate, and fill your bucket.  To let your hair down and be imperfect.  Indeed, one day "he" probably will come along.  And by that time, the love of your life will be you.

My friend, I extend to you heartfelt words and years of frog smooching wisdom.  Know that your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being are most important always.  Nourish it with hugs and laughter from time spent with friends and family.  Occupy yourself with activities that you enjoy and challenge yourself by finding new ones.  Look lovingly upon your reflection in the mirror and say out loud "I am beautiful".  Because you are.  And one (of even a slew of) bad relationships do not define your worth.

Love always,