Harder to Breathe...

I've written quite a few posts about music.  I love it.  I get lost in it.  Most mornings I wake up to a tune or lyric stuck in my head.  The song always has something to do with where I am in life at that moment or proves to be a premonition of things to come.  This morning was no different.

A guitar riff sounded off in my mind and I heard the words, "Does it kill, does it burn, is it painful to learn that it's me that has all the control?  Does it thrill does it sting, when you feel what I bring and you wish that you had me to hold?"  Oh yeah.  Maroon 5 baby!  Now if you're just tuning in, let me let you in on a little secret. I <3 Adam Levine.  And I am loving his hair in this video...

 Anyway, "Harder to Breathe" is hands down my all-time fave Maroon 5 song.  The intro is hard.  The trash talking is incredible.  And nothing says "eat my shorts" like the chorus:

"When it gets cold outside, and I got nobody to love.
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up.
And like a little girl cries in the face of monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there 'cuz it's getting harder and harder to breathe."

Levine actually wrote "Harder to Breathe" out of frustration with his record label.  The song itself describes the pain of getting over a relationship.  However, the song's tough lyrics and sound are actually a result of him being told to write more songs for an album he believed was finished.  Well that explains a lot.  Lines like, "I have a tendency of getting very physical. So watch your step 'cuz if I do you'll need a miracle" had me giving Mr. Levine a serious side eye. 

One cannot truly appreciate these lyrics until they've experienced heartache...and retribution.  I'm not talking about "slash his tires" retribution (and if you're doing that, stop!)  I mean that subtle shift in the power structure of a relationship that puts all the cards in your hands.  Let me give you an example.  Your ex left you stranded on the corner of "Broken Dreams Blvd" & "Heartbreak Hotel Pl".  You were torn and traumatized for months.  Out of nowhere, a new Mr. Wonderful comes along leaving your past relationship a distant memory.  Then your former lover resurfaces with a fresh set of lies in tow.  There's nothing like that feeling of, "nope...not gonna happen...stop groveling...SIR, you're better than this."

"Harder to Breathe" captures the essence of that moment when you know you've gained the upper hand.  The moment when you can finally let go of that haunting feeling and say, "it's your turn now".  No more longing and wanting.  No more "what ifs".  For me, it represents that moment of clarity where you can physically hear your heels clacking on the pavement as you move on to a better life.

Every once in a while, my Catholic guilt acts up and I feel like it's wrong to have these emotions... like it's rude and arrogant to feel this way.  But alas, I'm human.  I'm never rude, disrespectful or even point out the fact that said person did this to themselves.  What's the point?  They already know. It's important not to thrive on this feeling for too long because we never know what misfortunes can be lurking just around the corner.  Nonetheless, if this story sounds familiar, take a Naomi Campbell style walk and strike the sassiest pose you can think of.  You deserve it!

Is Frugality Forbidden?

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Couponing has become exceedingly popular among people from all walks of life.  Television shows, blogs and social media sites highlight the highs (and lows) of habitual couponers.  Supermarkets aren't the only place couponers are getting their clip on.  Many restaurants offer coupons as promotional tools.  While this is a great way to save money, there is a certain stigma attached to couponing.  How does this translate in the dating world?

Let me go ahead and put it out there - Hi, my name is Veronica...and I'm a couponer. A couple a years ago, a friend of mine BEGGED me not to bring one of my bogo restaurant coupons on a first date.  "He's going to think you're weird.  You just don't do that with someone you don't know," she said.  Seriously?! I wasn't talking about making babies with the guy in a public restroom.  Nonetheless, I acquiesced and left my book of coupons in the car.  I think I twitched a little bit when the waiter brought the bill.  Paying full price when you don't have to is just wrong.  Doesn't matter if it's not my money.  I have since ditched my friend's advice and boldly present my coupons wherever I go.  But I digress...

Okay, I get it.  Couponing has a stigma attached to it. No one wants to be behind "that lady" in the supermarket line.  Even worse, you might have experienced bare shelves at the hands of one of my kind (I try to leave a little something behind...for the record).  Shows like TLC's "Extreme Couponing" create the perception that couponers are nothing more than organized hoarders.  Some might worry that they will give their date the wrong impression.   Who wants to go out with a weird, freakish coupon lady?

Remember, there's two sides to every coin.  It's true that being labeled "that weird coupon chick" isn't ideal.  However, some men appreciate a women who knows the value of a dollar.  One guy told me that he found it to be one of the sexiest things a woman did on a first date.  It was something he didn't think of and showed how caring, savvy and supportive she was.  Many other men I've spoken with echoed this sentiment

Thinking about bringing your coupon binder/accordion purse on your next date? Try these tips to smoothly introduce your date to your thrifty lifestyle:

  1. Don't bring the binder and/or accordion.  Simply choose the coupon you need and put it in your wallet or purse.
  2. Do tell the waitress that you have a coupon at the beginning of the date.  This can help prevent an extra trip to the register when she brings your bill.
  3. Don't use a coupon that restricts your meal choices.  You or your date might not want what's on the 2 for $20 special, so keep your options open.
  4. Do leave a nice tip.  You might have paid less for the meal, but the waitress didn't provide you with less service. 

All in all, I believe it is perfectly fine to bring a coupon on a first date.  It shows your date how resourceful you are, and is beneficial to his wallet.  How do you feel about bringing coupons on a first date?

S/n: If a guy is passing judgement on you for using a coupon, he probably doesn't deserve you.  Jussayin...

 

Remember the Time...

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"Oop."  A high pitched squeal escaped my throat when the above message appeared on my phone. My best friend sent it to me.  Of course she knew the answer to that question.  Wasn't it just last week?

The message itself resonated with me. Funny how someone can come into your life as a game changer for sure, but still not be the one. During their reign, it certainly feels  like they're the one.  Especially if they learn as well as teach. Listen as well as share.  Love as well as receive love.  Do all (or most) of the things that you wish others would.  Yes, that is the perfect recipe for "the one".

Only...what if it's not?  What can be dangerous about meeting someone who we believe to be our soul mate is that we dismiss critical signs because of a belief that "it's meant to be".  Unreturned phone calls, neglectful behaviors, and even cheating are rationalized for the sake of being with this person. Don't get me wrong, compromises need to be made in any relationship.  However, one should never compromise who they are or accept behavior that makes him or her uncomfortable or miserable.  The truth of the matter is a deal breaker is a deal breaker. 

Losing someone who you had a strong connection or believed you had a solid foundation with can be one of the most excruciating heartbreaks one can experience.  You are not alone.  Let me say it again.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  While the pain might feel unbearable, this too shall pass.  My father always said, "don't focus on the mistake, focus on the lesson."  Believe it or not, your relationship with this person is an invaluable learning experience. It is likely you will find yourself head over heels for another mate who is also a kindred spirit. Your "lesson" can help you take a more logical approach toward the relationship. Sure, he might give you butterflies and be able to finish your sentences.  He might even help you to become a better person, but that's not always enough.  Contrary to what many people think and believe, love DOESN'T hurt.

Out of seven billion people on God's green earth, it is likely that you will find someone else who contains the qualities you are looking for without the excess baggage.  Be patient.

Happy smooching!