Love, Licking & Betrayal

 Picture from

Picture from

Last night, my friend *Jen was hanging out at a club after an event we attended pondering whether she should stay.  A guy, who contained many of the qualities she appreciated in an initial encounter, approached her.  He was smart, witty, personable and not bad on the eyes.  He had her at hello.  Needless to say, her decision was made.

At the top of their conversation he requested complete candidness.  He told her, “You just be you, I’ll be me and we’ll get to know each other.  No pretenses.”  She was thrilled!  It’s not every day that you meet someone who fits your prototype of a picture-perfect guy and values transparency.  She found it refreshing.

Throughout the night, shots upon shots of top shelf liquor allowed for more free flowing conversation.  She basked in the glow of his swagger.  He entertained her with funny anecdotes and lighthearted teasing.  His charm and quick wittedness continued to intrigue her as he flashed her award-winning smiles. 

It came time for him to leave.  They exchanged phone numbers.   Jen departed shortly thereafter.  As she was driving in the parking lot, she almost ran him over with her car!  Dressed in all black, she didn’t see him at first.  His close encounter with the pearly gates seemed not to faze him.  He knocked on her window.  She rolled it down.  Their flirtatious banter continued…then it happened. 

Our gentleman caller leaned in for a kiss.  She turned her head, so the end result was a kiss on the side of her mouth leading to an aggressive tongue rolling up the middle of her cheek.  Gross!  Licks on the side of the face should have a three date minimum.

Jen texted him when she got home.  The licking might have been weird, but she decided not to write him off so easily.  He responded to her text with a phone call.  He stated that he rode with a friend who was dropping him off home.  Once there, he agreed to call her back so they could arrange a perfect ending to their almost perfect evening…with more conversation.

Now, remember that part where I said there were shots involved?  We-ell, they took their toll on Jen.  She fell asleep on top of her phone.  She woke up this morning to a flashing voicemail light.  A bit dazed and confused, she groggily picked up her phone and punched in the voicemail code.  He called – just like he said he would!

Perfect-club guy:  “It was so great talking to you.  I had a really fun time this evening.  I just wanted to tell you, don’t call this number back.  I’m in the process of changing it.  I can’t wait until we connect again!”

Jen thought to herself, “How odd?  I lost a phone number within a few hours of getting it.  That’s a first.”  During the course of their conversation, they had also exchanged Instagram handles.  She transitioned into PI mode.  The explanation for his abrupt message became clear.  Mr. Lick-your-face was actually in a relationship – a serious one.

There are several adjectives that come to mind.  Creep tends to stand out more than the rest.  So through all of that “candid” conversation, it never occurred to him to mention he had a girlfriend.   And how would she feel about his “tongue & cheek” act?  Shenanigans.  I won’t get all preachy on why he was wrong because it’s pretty obvious. The whole debacle does leave me with one crucial question though: I wonder if he licks his girlfriend’s face too?