I'm Sorry, You're What???

Picture from quickmeme.com.

A few months ago, I met a guy at a networking event.  I ran out of "Smooching Frogs" cards so we exchanged numbers. I was under the impression that our communication would be strictly  professional.  While I'm normally weary of that sort of thing, he seemed harmless enough.  We text a few times then he expressed interest.  I wasn't sold on it, but eventually he got me to agree to coffee.

We met at Starbucks.  His aura kind of freaked me out.  First of all, his green eyes burned intensely into mine.  I think he was going for a sexy gaze, but it came off kind of creepy.  It made me wonder if he was interested in dating me or swallowing me whole.  He talked about a previous relationship with a so-called ex who spread rumors about his *ahem* special parts being tiny when they broke up.  He made it a point to tell me that this was not true.  Seeing as I gave him no indication that this subject matter was appropriate, I was immediately turned off.  I started to zone in on a couple of finer details. Two small silver hoops glistened in the sun combined with his wrists hanging limply after a flurry of dramatic hand gestures.  Could it be??? 

He wanted to go for a walk around the neighborhood we were in.  At this point, I knew I wasn't interested.  But I was both fascinated and entertained by his peculiarity.  I had to know what his deal was.  As we walked among the scattered autumn leaves, I went in for the kill. 

Me:  "I want to ask you something.  Promise not to get offended?"

Him: "Sure.  Ask me anything you want."

Me: "Are you bisexual?"

Him: "I'm bi-curious."

I attempted to inquire further, but he quickly changed the subject.  He rambled on about how romantic autumn was and how the look and smell of the leaves gave a full sensory experience.  He then reached for my hand.  Taken by surprise, I reclaimed my hand quickly.  He asked, "didn't that feel natural".  I replied with a simple "no". 

He started feeling up my bun, which was a clip on (I'm talking about my hair...how's that gutter treating you). My neck stiffened.  You don't just touch someone's hair. It's just wrong for so many reasons.  What if it's dirty?  What if it's full of parasites?  What if it's not theirs and falls into a pile of leaves?  Where I come from, the penalty for touching a black woman's hair without her permission is death by guillotine.  Guess he didn't get the memo.

After the hair incident, he started talking about how deeply spiritual he was.  A ton of adjectives describing his character had already formed in my head, and spiritual was not one of them.  That damn train wreck mentality kept nagging me.  I had to dig deeper.  Just as I'd suspected, he had no idea what he was talking about.  He went into a drawn out explanation about "being a spirit in reaching existentialism.  Being a spirit in business, relationships and everything else."  I'm sorry, what?  Clearly someone forgot to tell him you can't use the word you're describing in the definition.  Oh, and what you're explaining should probably make sense.

I once again attempted to ask about his bi-curious statement.  This time he avoided my question by proceeding to put his arm around me.  I politely shrugged it off and explained that I didn't know him.  That set him off.  He went into a full on bitch fit.

Him: "You're using negative language." 

Me: "But I don't know you."

Him: "You're not even trying. You could have said you're getting to know me.  But you said you don't know me.  There's a clear difference.  You're putting negative energy into the universe."

I attempted to explain my position further by expressing how personal experiences have shaped my view of life.  He was having none of that.  He quipped, "We could have a pissing contest about who's had worse shit happen to them."  He shook his head quickly.  "I don't like where this is going.  I don't like this side of you."  I became thoroughly annoyed.  He began to rub my shoulders.  I asked him not to touch me, and he responded, "I'm already touching you" like a third grader pulling my pigtails on the playground.  I toyed with practicing some of the Kung Fu moves I learned from Netflix on him, but thought better of it. 

A few quick turns, and we were back at Starbucks.  The finale to our adventure couldn't have come sooner.  He hugged me, then gave me that predatory glare.

Him: "Are you at least going to try?" [referring to a goodbye kiss]

Me: "No!"

Him: "Are you really that closed off?"

Me: "Yeah."

Him: "Then maybe we should just be friends."

Me: [Blank, confused stare]

We walked in separate directions, and haven't crossed paths since.  Rejection never felt so good.  It was probably the most awkward date I've ever been on.  All was not lost though.  I passed this picture in a storefront window on my way back to my car, and it proved to be the best part of the date.

What can I say?  I love old school video games.

Closure

Picture from datingasociopath.com <<< love the name of that site btw.

Many words leave a beautiful ringing sound in my ear, and closure is one of them.  Having the ability to shut the door to your past without questions or regret is a wonderful feeling.  Releasing yourself from the nagging questions like, “what if” and “if only”, is powerful.  Unfortunately, this sensation isn’t always instantaneous.

One of two things must occur in order for closure to be achieved.  The first being the person who has the “answers” to those nagging questions must come forward and express their thoughts and feelings.  This is helpful because it gives us a better understanding of why certain events occurred. An added bonus is that their disclosure might reveal that they weren’t fit to be in our lives anyway. Careful with this one though.  There are a couple of variables to consider.

The first is that their revelation might lead to more pain than the initial heartbreak itself. I once had a guy come to me soon after our split and tell me, “the ring is on its way” referring to his decision to marry someone else.  I was absolutely crushed and devastated.  It took me months to recuperate.  That phrase lingered, taunting me at times.  Eventually I was able to recover, but I probably would have been better off without hearing it.

Another point to consider is that the other person has to be willing to have an open dialog with you.  If he or she is unwilling to talk, it is less likely that you will achieve closure in this manner.  Keep in mind that there could be several reasons why they are reluctant to reach out.  They might not be ready to face you.  They could be at peace with the situation.  Or they flat out don’t want to talk to you.  Regardless of the reason, be prepared to face rejection if you are looking for a resolution at the hands of someone else.

Should you not receive gratification from your ex, seek other alternatives for overcoming the pain of your past relationship.  Carve out time to spend with someone to explore how you are feeling.  You want to choose carefully.  The person should be emotionally well-balanced.  Friends and family members are typically our first choice. However, speaking with someone who isn’t so close to the situation can also be helpful.  Recently I talked to a woman who knows me, but wasn’t familiar with the intimate details of my past relationship.  She was able to give me unbiased feedback from an outsider’s perspective which prompted me to make some difficult decisions. Therapists are another great resource that can provide this level of support.

On a more positive note, hashing out unresolved issues with an ex can be liberating.  Especially if the situation has been hard to recover from or left a huge question mark dangling over your head.  A sense of release takes over, encouraging you to move forward.  Take this feeling and run with it.  Freeing yourself from the prison of your own mind relieves stress from so many different areas of your life.  In order to move on to the next chapter, you must finish the last. 

Celebrity Frogs - Dwayne Wade

Two years ago, my boyfriend at the time and I were watching the NBA finals between the Miami Heat and Oklahoma City Thunder.  Dwayne Wade's eyes pierced through the television screen as he stood at the foul line.  They carried a smoldering yet dense look, like he didn't have a thought running through that gorgeous head of his.  Without thinking I blurted, "he's a ho."  My ex's eyes widened.  He tried for about a good fifteen minutes to get me to provide some rationale behind my comment.  All I could come up with was, "I don't know.  He's really good looking and his eyes...I just know it.  Trust me."  Who would have known that my crazy, late night murmurings would have come to fruition.

If you haven't heard the news yet, Dwayne Wade fathered a child outside of his relationship with now fiance Gabrielle Union.  Sources say that the child was conceived while Wade and Union were on a "break".  Riiiiiggggghhhhttttttt....

Ibtimes reports Union knew about the love child prior to Wade's proposal.  While she may have forgiven his indiscretion, let's take a step back here.  Okay, what is this "we're on a break so I can do whatever I want" business?  It seems to me that the whole "break" ideology is a cop out.  It's a way for people (primarily men) to "take it to the hole" with whoever they want while keeping one foot in the door of their previous relationships. I don't buy it.  If two people truly need time to find themselves and figure out if they want to be together, how is screwing another person helping?

And for goodness sake D. Wade, WRAP IT UP! For someone with millions, he doesn't seem to have much sense.  One night of passion will affect him and his family for the rest of their lives.  Hopefully they can all act like adults so as not to negatively impact the children.  However, there are rumors floating around that she wrote a disrespectful open letter to Union earlier in the year (with poor grammar might I add...tsk tsk). 

This will be marriage number two for both Wade and Union.  Rumors of Wade cheating on his ex-wife with Union have resurfaced as a result of his recent indiscretion. The details surrounding that claim are unclear.  It is public knowledge that his ex-wife sued Union for "Alienation of Affection", claiming that they were having an affair while the two were still married.  Newsflash: past behaviors have a tendency to be repeated.  If he did it to her, he'll do it to you.  Oh wait...he kind of already did *slinks away quietly*

All in all, this story is no different than what we as women see and hear about everyday.  The difference is these two are famous.  While Union has decided to stand by her man, I can't help but wonder how the two can plan a wedding in he midst of all of this.  I know that it's possible, but my spidey senses tell me that this is a recipe for disaster.  That woman and child will be a constant reminder of his infidelity.  I can't imagine how painful that would be.  Of course, that's just my opinion. 

To the ladies in this situation, keep it classy.  Wade, keep it in your pants.