Just Because It's Different Doesn't Mean It's Good


After ending a bad relationship, it is common to seek mates that are the polar opposite of your previous beau.  You may decide that after dating someone who was in the process of "finding themselves" that you want to date an established individual with confidence.  If you previously dated a player, you might choose a mate whose physical appearance is, well, less appealing.  Dating someone for the sake of escaping your previous relationship can get you more than what you bargained for.

A fragile state of mind can cause us to be reactive.  I remember my first date after my ex-husband and I separated. The guy was COMPLETELY not my type; however, he seemed nice and more importantly he was not my ex.  I failed to consider the possibility that there were other dealbreakers.  What seemed like a slight oversight ended up being quite costly in the long run (harassment, arson, you know...that old chestnut).  Just because a person seems different from your ex does not mean they are the one for you. 

Additionally, there were some things about your ex that you probably liked at some point.  Think about it this way - if  your favorite pair of shoes went out of style, would you purchase a pair simply because they are the exact opposite of what you had?  Probably not.  You might find some in a similar style or color.  You might purchase another pair from the same brand because you appreciated the quality. Even if you did end up buying something completely different, it would more likely be because you liked it rather than because it was the opposite of what you had.

My best advice would be to evaluate the things that you want out of a relationship.  If you are over the initial heartbreak from  your previous relationship, make a list of pros and cons of your ex.  Take a good look at the list.  Put check marks next to the 'must haves' for future relationships.  Circle, star, or do whatever you need to for the absolute dealbreakers.  During the courting stages of your next relationship, break out the list and see if your new guy has some of the positive characteristics.  You may be surprised to find that he's added a few new ones to the list...or not.  Either way, you are one step ahead of the game by taking control and not making reactive decisions.  Happy smooching ladies :-)